It’s the ancestors who opened the door — at Maman’s behest, no doubt — so it’s the ancestors I turned to first to open discussions: If you want me, I’m here. But there have to be limits. It was Maman who answered, which I also was expecting. The ancestors are guides and guardians, but negotiations are going to be sent a little further up the line.
She seemed a lot more amused than upset by my wariness. Be open, be awake, be aware. You found dead you can honor, and they like your company. Offer it to them. Speak with them. Hear what they have to say; some of them haven’t been heard in a very long time. Things will unfold as they will.
As they always do.
I ended up seeing Cameron three times before he left. We didn’t do anything as dramatic as rescuing fainting shamans at battle sites — just some walking out in the city or some nearby pretty place, getting food, that kind of thing. No mischief; that just never seemed like it was going to happen. I was too busy feeling relaxed and soothed by his company, which I guess just isn’t what it takes to light either of our lamps. Either way, he was gentle on my nerves, and I’ll miss him.
Apparently, gentleness and regret both show. Mark the Shoulder Torturer spent ten minutes gleefully teasing me about being all mellowed out, and how I might have gotten that way. I told him it wasn’t nearly as exciting as he thought; I made a friend for a few days and now my friend is gone. He bought me a muffin with my smoothie. Fuck diabetes. Some days are muffin days.
He added another exercise to my set this week, and it was a wake-up call about how far I have to go yet. I’m doing 2 sets of 20 reps each of each exercise with 1 kg weights; the new one, I can only manage 2 sets of 15 empty-handed, and it’s hard work to do even that. He said it’s because the new one is meant to increase my range of motion, so I really am nearly starting from scratch with it. Don’t ever injure your rotator cuff, that’s what I have to say about it.
Just because she’s awesome, and this song…yeah. I need it sometimes.