I didn’t expect to be putting up another entry this soon, but life had other plans — and for a change, I’m delighted that it did. My life is feeling like a massive explosion of good right now.
My first trip back to Glasgow was full of surprises. The first was arriving at Alec’s place to find Tam sitting on the couch grinning at me, and Alec conveniently off to get some takeaway. This was something we hadn’t talked about; I kind of figured Tam had moved on after the split, and while I wasn’t happy about that, I accepted it. But damn, I did miss him. Focus on what we have in common? We have him in common.
If I needed proof of that, Alec’s reaction on finding us tangled up on the couch and chattering away when he came back with the food took care of that: A smile, a murmured “Aye, this is how it ought to be,” and heaping us with food boxes before diving in the middle of the pile. He missed it, too. We all did. It’s crazy, but you know what? They don’t care if it’s crazy, and finally, finally, neither do I.
It makes us all happy, it feels right and balanced, and, uh…it’s fun. :) All of which Tam decided he should double-check in his own unique way after the pile was all sorted out and feeling dozy.
“It’s good then, dovekie?”
My mistake, if you’re wondering, was telling him that the ridiculously goofy-cute seabird called a little auk here is called a dovekie in the US. Apparently, that’s also a somewhat old-fashioned Scottish endearment that means what it sounds like it does — little dove. And *poof*, I had a new nickname. It would probably make me cringe if it didn’t sound so adorably weird coming out of his mouth; he really doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d do that.
And yes, it’s good. :)
It’s surely no coincidence that now that I’ve taken up the drum and the dream gates again, allies older and newer are making their presence known. I’ve been rescuing spiders in the bathroom, and poetry has accompanied them, as it usually does. My flock of hoodies still come by twice a day looking for treats, including the one bold fella (or so I assume; it remains weird to me how many birds here don’t show sexual dimorphism in any obvious way) who comes and takes the special tidbits from my hand that I keep aside for him. Alec still watches that in a way that suggests his brain is melting. *laugh* I maybe even have a new ally that I was named for; time will tell.
I never know what the vibe will be with the two of them until we’re into it, because I don’t know which one will take the lead. They’re both pretty dommy in their different ways, but it’s not as obviously so with Tam; he’d just as soon have a romp, and the sole kinky part with him is that there are three of us.
Whichever one does take the wheel sets the tone, which seems to suit them just as well as it does me. With Alec, things are more intense, the ropes are likely to come out, and there are constant reminders that I’m not the one in control; Tam’s more than happy to enjoy the benefits of of all that. When Tam’s at the wheel, it’s all more relaxed, more about the pleasure of it without complications; when it’s like that, I get to see a playful side of Alec that I usually don’t in bed, and that I get the sense he really enjoys letting off its leash once in a while. And is all this enormously fun for me? Damn right.
And I feel like I’m being true to who I am, too. I’m happier like this, and I know that from more than one past experience (three, actually). The mix/structure of it can vary; I was involved with two guys who were also involved with each other, two guys who were strictly friends, and a married man and woman who wanted a third. That last didn’t work well for me, but it had more to do with their expectations and their lack of clarity about them beforehand than with it being a group thing; I’d have told a single partner to fuck off if they’d sprung that string of outrages on me, too.
I talk about energy in relationships fairly often, and I mean that literally, not as a cutesy word for emotions. Do the kind of work I do, and you’ll be intensely aware of the energy exchange among people in relationships, too. Fofo taught me an extra layer of awareness of that, since it’s focused on healing broken relationships of all kinds, which it sees as the cause of most illness (and even some injuries). When I do reiki or shamanic work for someone now, I check in on their relationship cords — not just with people, but with the larger world around them, with the divine, and even with themselves — and look for difficulties there before I consider anything else.
So when I consider the three of us — especially after sex, when the energy webwork among us is at its strongest — I see us as energy, connected by energy. The most strong and vivid connection is between the two of them; they’ve been friends a long time, and are obviously close. They share a lot more than just me, and the connection is familial. I have a connection to each of them, as well, and I can sense the differences in the relationships through the differences in the energies that run between each of them and me. But there’s another connection, one that intensifies all of this and that I believe is responsible for the sense of balance I get from being with them — I’m hooked into the connection between them, as if I have a relationship with their relationship as well as with each of them.
Bring it into three dimensions and we’re an energetic pyramid — a tetrahedron to be exact — and we’ve entered the land of sacred geometry by way of the Platonic solids, all through lines of energy. I’m the only one of the three of us (and probably the only one in the world) fascinated with this, but I don’t mind that. Some anchoring in reality isn’t a bad thing, and it is stability and solidity we’re talking about in triangle-based forms.
(photos: dovekies — Wikipedia; triangle — stock)